thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
