I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
