your parents love me but you hate me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
