Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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