i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
