there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
