I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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