Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
