If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
