is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
