my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
