sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
