i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
