normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
