He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
