Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
