Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
