haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
