oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
