i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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