At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
