I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
