For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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