I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
