Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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