Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
