I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
