If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
