I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
