Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I will be naked everywhere
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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