hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
