a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
