Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
