I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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