my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
