i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
