Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
