his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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