she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
