that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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