You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
