Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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