she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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