drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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