Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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