my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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