You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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