you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
