Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
