i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
