I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
